First of all, don’t get that tattoo. Just don’t. Right now your stomach is all cute and flat. But you’ll have babies … big, beautiful 9 pound babies. That cute little cherub angel tattoo on your bikini line will get big … REAL big. Like basketball-sized big. Nobody tells you this when you’re 18 and you’re certainly not thinking this far ahead. There will be a stretch mark through the wing. It’s not cute. Truly. Having babies will wreck your tattoo. It now looks like a drunken troll. You will pay a lot of money to get it removed.
You’re about to start that process. Don’t do it. I beg you.
You will kiss a lot of frogs. More than you really want to know. I’m sorry about this. You will date some real asses. You will get cheated on. You will learn hard lessons. This will make it easier to identify Mr. Right when he comes along. You don’t meet him until you’re 26. Again, sorry. You’re kind of an idiot when it comes to choosing men. I blame losing your dad at 18 and the “daddy issues” that loss produced. I also blame spending many of your adult dating years in DC. Those guys are some real egomaniac douches, so brace yourself.
Your college years will be both amazing and incredibly painful. You will make amazing friends who will be more like family. Texas A&M University will be home for you and you will cherish it forever. Your Aggie family will grow with you for the rest of your life. You will marry an Aggie. You will also love and lose someone so special to you that your heart will never quite recover. It will be like losing a brother. It will be tragic and painful and you will not be prepared for it. Nobody will.
You won’t use your degree. Pick another one. Please follow your dad’s advice and do something business related. Really. Or may I suggest photography? Because that’s what you’re doing now. You own your own business. A business degree would have been helpful … like your dad suggested. (Duh!)
Don’t waste so much time obsessing over baby girl names. You don’t have a girl. Choose something more productive to obsess over. Like which business degree to get. You’re not fat. This is pretty much the skinniest you’ll ever be. So shut up. Really. But start exercising regularly now because it’s a bitch to start it when you’re over 30. Well, over 35. It would have been easier to stay ahead of the curve instead of back-pedaling.
And this is probably the most important thing I can tell you, 18 year old self. Enjoy the rollercoaster. There are lots of ups and downs, but it’s a hell of a ride!