With a spoon: The Fire Extinguisher Grill

July 13, 2014

Here is one of the uniform options we considered for the master chefs. We ultimately chose the yellow turnout pants with red suspenders.
Here is one of the uniform options we considered for the master chefs. We ultimately chose the yellow turnout pants with red suspenders. HOT, right?

My home town of Midland, Texas, is getting in on the trend of breastaraunts! So, I am currently seeking investors for a new restaurant venture there, The Fire Extinguisher Bar & Grill. The motto will be, “If you can take the heat, it’s time to get into our kitchen!”

Not to be undone, I mean outdone by other themed restaurants, this unique spot will also embrace a concept. Our theme is HEAT, literally, with a special focus on public servants and fire safety.

Many of fire fighters, EMT’s and police personnel must work two jobs to afford living in the Permian Basin. As Midland’s newest restaurant, The Fire Extinguisher will give these able-bodied men a chance to have a fulfilling and fun way to earn that second income. The flexible hours and exciting atmosphere will also attract many young, tender-hearted – but hard-bodied — and impressionable college students. Imagine your sons, brothers and young hottie dad friends working in such a cool, action-packed hangout! Getting paid to have so much fun? Well, you can hardly even call this work people!

Image courtesy of dallasnews.com.
Image courtesy of dallasnews.com.

I am looking for fun people to fill positions.  I will focus on enthusiasm, personal appearance, grooming and personality. Personality is essential to The Fire Extinguisher. Because it takes a certain kind of errr… personality … to wear one of the uniforms!

The Fire Extinguisher embraces the personal chef experience, because I know patrons are looking for that one-on-one contact. Diners will be seated around a number of individual grilling stations, or “Hot Spots,” in the Grill’s lingo. Our master chefs will prepare succulent steaks, moist chicken and tender grilled organic local veggies cooked to order. Special attention has been paid to the chef uniforms for maximum interaction and fire protection. All chefs will wear traditional fire helmets, yellow “turnout” pants with red trim, and the Hellfire Lug Boot in black, yellow and white. Safety on wet and slick kitchen floors is paramount, and these boots take safety to a new level! To tie the ensemble together, our chefs will wear bright red suspenders in support of their turnout pants. Not only does the color red signal “safety” and that something is HOT, the vibrant color will really make their bare midriffs snap, crackle and pop!

Fire Me Up brief by Candyman
Fire Me Up brief by Candyman

Each Hot Spot also has a server to assist the chef with orders and drinks. In keeping with the fire safety theme, server costumes are flame retardant briefs. With flames. And the Hellfire boots, of course.

There are plenty of positions for HOT women as well. If you know a woman who has excellent people skills, understands inventory, money, and the rules of supply and demand, there are several key management positions open now!

One of the things I am most proud of is The Fire Extinguisher menu – this is NOT just another wiener joint or beef cake bakery. We have polled extensively and conducted tons of market research and know our customers want prime beef, rich desserts and top quality drinks! It’s not just about the costumes here. Our appetizer menu is extensive and includes tapas, philo dough wrapped brie with fig compote, fried goat cheese with sautéed Pecos onions and local honey, a decadent white queso, and a luxurious fruit and hard cheese platter.

Entrees will include steaks topped with blue cheese, grilled lobster and salmon and of course, chicken. Desserts are also sizzling at The Fire Extinguisher – our servers have mastered the art of flambés and caramelized crème Brule. Our Brown Sugar Bourbon ice cream is handcrafted with Four Roses Small Batch Bourbon and the most authentic tiramisu in all of West Texas rounds out the sweetest fare. Plus my personal favorite, chocolate icing cups.

Careful attention is also paid to the drinks at The Fire Extinguisher. Only premium spirits, wines and champagnes will grace our delicate stems. Enjoy pomegranate margaritas, Bad Boy Martinis (they’re extra dirty), Veuve Cliquot Demi-Sec White Label NV, Moët Grand Vintage 2004, and a hand-picked selection of the world’s finest craft beers, including Nebraska Brewing Company’s full-bodied Belgian-style golden ale – it’s aged in barrels used to make Chardonnay.  It truly is delicious.

And like all of the best restaurants, The Fire Extinguisher has a premium Bose sound system installed by experts from Los Angeles, and 35 of the best and brightest hi-def big screen televisions you have ever seen. They will air non-stop sports and games, including figure skating, football, ballets with Mikhail Baryshnikov, male body building competitions and UFC cage fighting.

Chocolate frosting shots are on the desert menu a The Fire Extinguisher Grill!
Chocolate frosting shots are on the desert menu a The Fire Extinguisher Grill!

This will be a one-of-a-kind eating experience! Especially for the women of Midland – where else can you eat chicken, drink champers and watch ballet on the big screen? We’ll even have a regular Mother’s Day Out special that begins at 4 p.m. If you’re looking for a spot to meet some really cool new people or have a girls night out, The Fire Extinguisher is the place for you.

And guys, this will be your favorite spot too! The Fire Extinguisher Grill will satiate your inner caveman’s need to protect AND eat a whole lotta meat! Where else can your children, brothers and sisters work in such a safe and exciting environment? Our HOTTIES will discover their full potential in this fun environment of respect and empowerment! All this while they serve you the best steak in town!

So, if you are interested on getting in on the ground floor of my latest investment opportunity, just let me know!

By admin

8 Comments

  1. Reply

    Midland_Mama

    Oh myyy… this is an AMAZING idea!!! Why do we not have one of these!?!?! Set up a donation site so we can get this thing going!!!! <3

    1. Reply

      admin

      Well I wondered if I needed a Kikstarter campaign – I have been advised by two experts that we will need about $2 million to start in Midland…

      1. Reply

        Tucker

        I will apply for this job!

        1. Reply

          admin

          Excellent! And they say people don’t want to work or get their hands dirty any more … Thanks for reading 🙂

  2. Reply

    Justin

    I know you’re trying to make a point, but sadly you missed the mark because this is a GREAT IDEA! I really think something like this would do quite well if done correctly. I’m a guy and I’d happily go to this place with my wife if the menu was as described. It really sounds like a fun theme idea for a Restaurant. I’m surprised it hasn’t be done to be honest.

    1. Reply

      admin

      Ha!! I love it, thank you! To be quite honest, I have been overwhelmed with the number of people who want to come there, invest, talk about menu ideas, etc.! I have even had some folks want to apply for positions!Maybe I better copyright this or something until I have the $1 million I need to open one … Unless you have money — and then we can talk!!

  3. Reply

    susan alexander/wilson

    I’m in! But I wish they could wear tighter pants.

    Weiner joint! Snarf!

    1. Reply

      admin

      hahahahahahaaaaa! I had to text my awesome yard guy (who is a firefighter/EMT) and tell him not to get any big ideas to quit me for a career as a chef 🙂

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